Purple Squirrel
by inkblotshelp
Summary: He's Harry Potter. The greatest wizard to have ever lived. So why can't he find a job? Not crack.


Just an idea that I had.

This'll be a two part fic. For the purposes of this story, the classic Rowling couples don't exist. That is, Harry and Ginny aren't an item, and neither are Hermione and Ron.

Summary: He's Harry Potter. The greatest wizard to have ever lived. So why can't he find a job? Not crack.

* * *

A few months after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry is ready to move on. Ready to find a job. To become a family man. To leave behind the chaotic insecurity he has become so used to.

He sits down at a desk, picks up a quill and starts writing.

* * *

_Dear Minister,_

_I'd like to inquire about job vacancies in the Auror Department. I am aware that there is no working application process at the moment, as an Auror friend of mine informed me that there are changes being made to the process as we speak, and so I was told to refer to you for help._

_I'm a 18 year old Hogwarts graduate, with – I believe – adequate experience and skill to be an asset. I have attached my standardized test scores, my résumé and a recommendation from one of my instructors, Professor McGonagall._

_My owl will await your response._

_Harry Potter_

_x_

_Dear Mr. Harry Potter,_

_It is my sincerest regrets to tell you that the Minister is currently unable to read letters. Given the nature of the times, the Minister has requested that all owls sent to him be sent back with his sincerest apologies, so that he can concentrate first and foremost on his managerial duties in the wake of the terrible times._

_We apologize for the inconvenience, and we hope that you are able to understand. The Minister has declared that he will again receive letters in a few weeks._

_The Ministry of Magic_

_x_

_Ron,_

_Hey, mate. Look at what I got from the Ministry of Magic._

_Harry_

_x_

_Them gits._

_Ron_

* * *

_Harry!_

_I got my first job interview! Dad hooked me up._

_Hey, why don't you send the Ministry another letter? Looks like they're opening up to applicants now._

_Ron  
_

_x_

_Ron,_

_That's amazing! Tell me how it went!_

_That's good to know. I'll get right on it!_

_Harry_

* * *

Harry sends another letter.

x

Harry waits.

Hedwig doesn't come back.

* * *

_Hey Ron?_

_How long did it take you to get a response from the Ministry?_

_Just curious._

_Harry_

_x_

_An hour, felt like. They're crazy for new people because, you know, they lost so many._

_Why?_

_Ron_

_x_

_No reason._

_Harry_

* * *

Hedwig comes back a week later, munching on a dead rat with an air of inexpressible mournfulness.

"Hey," Harry whispers. He strokes her feathers and feels her tremble against him. "What's wrong?"

Hedwig shuffles her feathers indecisively, before dropping the rat and sticking out her leg.

Nothing's attached.

* * *

_Harry!_

_I got the job!_

_Ron_

_x_

_Congrats, mate!_

_Harry_

_x_

_We're throwing a celebratory party. You're coming, right? We can catch up._

_Ron_

_x_

_Ron,_

_Of course. I don't have anything better to do with my time anyway._

_Harry_

* * *

It feels like a birthday party.

Or that's what Harry tells Ron anyway. It's a bit too glamorous to be a celebration over a first job. The magical self-inflating balloons, the tall cake, the _candles – _it makes Harry smile.

"Oh, cut it out." Ron snaps good-naturedly. "Mom just went a bit overboard. Don't mind it too much."

Harry shakes his head. "No, she's probably right, in all seriousness. I mean, a Ministry job? Your dad must be proud."

Ron's ears turn scarlet. "Well, yeah. But dad also got me the job in the first place, didn't he?" He clears his throat. "Um. How about you? Got that interview yet?"

"I – No. I didn't get a response."

"What? But you're _Harry Potter!_"

Harry shrugs, tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. "Maybe they haven't seen my letter yet."

Ron looks at him strangely, eyes narrow, as if trying to see beyond Harry – Harry's heart hammers suddenly, pulsating and curling in on itself uncomfortably. Harry waits, but the moment passes, and Ron shakes his head.

"I don't even – Harry, if they don't respond in a week or two, talk to my dad. He and I'll make sure we find out what's going on."

* * *

_Hi Mr. Weasley,_

_How are you?_

_I hope you don't mind, but I was wondering if you could help me out a bit. I've been sending out emails to the Minister about job vacancies in the Auror Department, but I haven't gotten a response. I don't know if this is something I should be worried about, but Ron told me to ask you if I didn't get anything. I haven't for the last few weeks._

_If you could help out, I'd really appreciate it._

_Thank you!_

_Harry  
_

_x_

_Harry,_

_It's good to hear from you. I know you've been talking to Ron every now and then, but Ron enjoys his privacy (well, for his letters anyways) so the rest of us never really get to hear from you the same way. I'm more than glad to help out._

_I've talked to the Auror Department and set up an interview for you. I've attached a letter from them._

_Tell me how it goes._

_Arthur W._

_x_

_Thanks Mr. Weasley!_

_Harry_

* * *

"Mr. Potter. It's good to meet you."

Harry smiles and reaches over to shake hands. "It's good to meet you too."

His interviewer, a nondescript bald man in his late thirties, gestures at a chair. "Please, sit."

Harry obliges. The interview takes a seat at his own chair, and clears his throat.

"Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself, Mr. Potter?"

"Well," Harry begins slowly. "My name's Harry Potter. I just graduated from Hogwarts. In school, Defense Against the Dark Arts has always been my favorite subject – and the subject I've always been best at, I guess. I started up a club to teach students more about the subject in my fifth year, and, well, after," Harry shrugs helplessly, "I've amassed a lot of real world experience."

His interviewer smiles patronizingly. "Well, yes. Yes. I'm well aware of that."

"Well…. Yeah. I guess."

"Yes. You're in a rather unique position, Potter. Me knowing so much about you already, we could easily be stuck talking about redundant details of your life." The interviewer looks down at his notes. "So I suppose I'll have to cut away at a lot of questions I normally would ask." He scratches something out, pauses and then nods his head decisively. "We'll be cutting down to the meat of it. Why do you want to work with us?"

"Because I think Aurors are important. We need them – the last great battle we just came out of should have taught us that."

"It's a dangerous job. How do you feel about the risks of the position?"

Harry laughs hollowly. "I think I can handle it."

The interviewer considers him for a moment. "I suppose that was a terrible question," he concedes. "We'll move on. I understand you've had considerable experience fighting against magical creatures?"

"I – Yes. Of course."

"Do you have any physical handicaps or impairments we should be aware of?"

"Other than vision problems, no. Would glasses be a hazard?"

The interviewer glances up at him. "We have a magical equivalent of Muggle contact lenses. It shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh, okay."

"Do you prefer working as an individual or in teams?"

"Teams. I like having people I can rely on."

"There's no question you have a natural talent to lead. Do you think, however, you could follow when necessary?"

"I've followed many great men," Harry says softly. "I see no reason why I would have a problem with following."

"Well said, Mr. Potter." The interviewer nods slowly. "Do you have any questions?"

"A few." Harry takes a deep breath. "When can I expect a response?"

"Tomorrow. In three days, at the latest."

"What would my immediate responsibilities be, if I were accepted?"

"The application process for an Auror takes about a month. By then, things should have settled down some. You'll probably spend most of your first few months shadowing people and filing reports. Nothing difficult."

"I see." Harry smiles warmly. "That's about all I wanted to know – I've been able to clear up a lot of my questions with Auror friends of mine, so I must admit you've been spared from the barrage of questions I'd have had otherwise."

The author takes his hand. "It was nice meeting you, Mr. Potter. I hope you see you again soon."

* * *

_Ron,_

_Got my interview. Seemed to go pretty well. Guy was a bit… well, he wasn't exactly Mr. Sunshine, if you get my drift. Nice, though. Warmed up to me._

_Tell your dad thanks for me._

_Harry_

_x_

_No problem, mate._

_Ron_

* * *

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_We regret to inform you that you will not be moving on to the next round of the Auror application process._

_The Ministry of Magic_

* * *

"I need a job," Harry whispers into Hedwig's feathers one cold morning.

Harry clicks her beak approvingly and extends her leg out expectantly for a letter.

* * *

_Dear Mr. Ollivander,_

_I'd like to inquire about possible job positions open in your shop. If you require an assistant for the next few months, I'd be much obliged to fill the position for you._

_I'm a 18 year old Hogwarts graduate. I have attached my standardized test scores, my résumé and a recommendation from one of my instructors, Professor McGonagall._

_My owl will await your response._

_Harry Potter_

_x_

_Mr. Potter,_

_I must say that I was very surprised to receive your letter._

_I must, however, say that I'm currently not in need of extra aid – and as all of my funds are going to rebuilding the store, I simply cannot afford an assistant, even should I have needed one._

_I hope you luck with your job searching. If my position changes, I will inform you as soon as I can – but I must say that I believe you will find a better job than one as a wandmaker's assistant long before I can muster up the funds for such help._

_Ollivander_

* * *

_Harry,_

_What happened with the Auror thing?_

_Mum's baked you cookies. Don't bother returning Pig for awhile; he's bound to be dead tired with all those baked goods he's been loaded with._

_Ron_

_x_

_Ron,_

_Tell your mum thanks! Hedwig and I finished them all off in one setting._

_No luck. Defeating Dark Lords apparently terrible for resume._

_Harry_

_x_

_Highlight it and take out everything else on your resume. Maybe they missed it._

_Ron_

_x_

_Don't be a git._

_Harry._

* * *

_Ron,_

_Hey, check this out. My new cover letter:_

_Dear Mr. or Mrs. Whoever,_

_I'd like to inquire about possible job positions open in your _._

_My name is Harry Potter, Dark Wizard defeater, The Chosen One and Boy Who Lived._

_My owl will await your response._

_Dark Wizard Killer 3.0_

_x_

_Sick, man. Send it to the Ministry. Maybe you'll get a better response._

_Ron_

_x_

_No._

_Harry_

_x_

_If you tell me this is just a gag cover letter that you'll never use, I'm going to kill you, Harry. You can't waste this._

_Ron_

_x_

_Of course it's a gag._

_Lots of love,  
Harry_

* * *

_Dear Mr. Smith_

_I'd like to inquire about possible job positions open in your shop. If you require an assistant for the next few months, as I understand you may, I'd be much obliged to fill the position for you._

_My name is Harry Potter. I'm a 18 year old Hogwarts graduate. I have attached my standardized test scores, my résumé and a recommendation from one of my instructors, Professor McGonagall._

_My owl will await your response._

_Harry Potter_

_x_

_Mr. Potter,_

_I regret to say that I'm not currently looking for help._

_Mr. Smith_

* * *

_Hey Harry,_

_Don't bother applying for a job at the Hog's Head. You know, if you ever thought about sending your resume there._

_Ron_

_x_

_Why?_

_Harry_

_x_

_Well, you were rejected._

_Ron_

_x_

_What._

_Harry_

_x_

_Sent your gag letter. They didn't think it was as funny as I thought they would._

_You wouldn't want to work there anyway. Terrible sense of humor, that bartender's got._

_Ron_

* * *

_Dear Mr. White,_

_I'd like to inquire about possible job positions open at your business._

_My name is Harry Potter. I'm a 19 year old Hogwarts graduate. I have attached my standardized test scores, my résumé and a recommendation from one of my instructors, Professor McGonagall._

_My owl will await your response._

_Harry Potter_

_x_

He doesn't get a response.

* * *

_I can't believe I'm still jobless._

_Harry_

_x_

_The places you've applied to are clearly crap. You're the bloody Boy Who Lived, for god's sake. You should be the most hirable man in all the Wizarding World._

_Dad and I have been asking around, actually. There's no reason why your application was dropped by the Ministry. I don't even –_

_I don't know, Harry. I wish I could help. I'll keep an eye out for you, though. If you ever need help, don't hesitate to ask._

_Ron._

* * *

One day, out of the blue, an owl comes to him. The owl, a fairly typical barn owl, is perched on his desk, milk white face turned inquisitively to the door, when Harry notices it.

"Oh, hey," he says, surprised. "Who are you from?"

He immediately thinks of Ron, but the owl – clearly an owl from a postal office – seems an unnecessary luxury, one that the young Weasley would not be able to afford on his meager budget.

Bemused, Harry takes the letter. In it are a few short words:

_Dear Harry,_

_I'm leaving the magical world. Forever. I don't belong here._

_I'd like to see you again. One last time._

_Love,  
Hermione_

* * *

So, that's that. The second chapter will explain what exactly is going on.

Hermione's letter is really, very important. I won't say much because I don't want to give anything away, but it's a big clue.

Tell me what you think~?


End file.
